From The Old Man: A Guide to Living
Because you goddamn never listen anyway
A tool set is nowhere near complete unless it has at least six different types of hammers. Required: 12-16 oz. claw or rip finishing, framing, ball peen, rubber mallet, and an engineer sledge. Optional: tack, shingle, drywall, brick, shot-filled deadblow, wood or leather mallet.
When you’re doing the dishes by hand, do them in this order: cups, silverware, bowls, plates, cooking utensils, pots and pans. And squeeze out the sponge after you’re done using it, EVERY TIME. That thing is a germ factory if it’s soaking wet and you leave it out.
Get a frame and raise your damn bed off the ground. Nobody wants to see a mattress laying on the floor, that’s how junkies live.
Drink water when you’re thirsty, not juice or soda. I know a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but water isn’t yucky so just drink it and be done with it.
When you bounce a payment you’re personally paying a bank employee $35 to stamp “IDIOT” onto your banking history.
Flyfishing is the most relaxing and graceful pastime on the planet. It’s an expensive investment, sure, but once you have the gear you’ll only ever have to buy flies and line.
Fast food has the same nutritional value as a grease-soaked sponge garnished with the legs off a Flintstone’s vitamin.
You’re going to end up buying new components every 7 years as it is so buy the best speakers you can afford, they’ll last for decades. And don’t go out and buy a whole new set of speakers when a speakercone blows: have it professionally refoamed or reconed, or just buy a replacement speakercone.
Spend the $40 and get an electric blanket for her side of the bed, unless you LIKE having no blankets every night.
