Call your mother. Know that she’s the one responsible for all the complex thinking you do, I only helped in the emergency-reaction department.

Don’t worry so much. The fog of youth lifts more and more as the years go by. Now quit being stupid.

You’ll be just fine using a fan until it hits 80 degrees or 80% humidity outside. Anything higher than that and you can turn on the air conditioner.

Golf through the summer, bowl through the winter. Fish the whole year ‘round.

Ties come in different lengths and every knot takes up a certain amount of the tie, so learn the four basic knots and pick the one that works with whatever length tie you’re going to wear. And that whole thing about how a tie’s quality is indicated by how many gold threads are in the lining? It’s bogus.

The next time you run out of creamer or milk for your coffee try using a spoonful of vanilla ice cream, or a dollop of whipping cream. Be sure to cut down on the amount of sweetener you put in though, both of those are sweetened already. And the best part about using the ice cream is that you get a nice vanilla flavor to compliment your bean choice … or mask the hell out of it if you’ve run out of the good stuff and are stuck with an old jar of Sanka.

Don’t forget that daylight savings time begins this weekend. That means I don’t want you to forget to buy a bunch of nine volt batteries for all the smoke detectors I know you have and test regularly.

It’s tax time. If you had planned on itemizing, you should have four neatly organized folders; one for each quarter. Unless you were lazy, because now you’re gonna have to spend six days scouring the house and your email inbox for every bill, receipt, or canceled check.

Call your mother. Do it now.

When you’re BBQ’ing for a group, anyone that asks for a steak above medium doesn’t deserve one.